Brain Dump

Just some things on my mind lately...


I don't believe that people are or should be defined by their work.
It doesn't make sense that people should do the same thing, day in and day out with merely a week or two each year to do something different and not be expected to totally lose their passion and sense of well-being.
I want to educate (yes, homeschool) my own children.
I want to grow my own food.
I want to require less money.
I want Doug to have more free time.
I don't want to have to get in the car to see my friends.
I don't want to live for the weekend. And I don't want Doug to live for the weekend, either.
I want to travel with my children.
I want to create a lifestyle of constant learning for our family. New experiences and new knowledge all the time.
I don't want a meaningless job to dictate whether or not we can see our family at Christmas.
I want to know that if all hell breaks loose and the shit hits the fan, our family will make it through, because we know how to survive without supermarkets and gasoline.
I want to feel like I am in control of my own life and that I can take care of my own family.
I don't want to find myself looking at my grown children and wishing I had taken the risks, made the sacrifices, to have the life we wanted.

Is it too much to ask? Can we do it? Will we do it?

Real things

Today I started making a photo album for Lucy. It's really for us, too. We'll all enjoy looking through them together one day. I know that nowadays people don't really make photo albums anymore. Everything is stored digitally on computers and phones. And so many photos get lost or forgotten about, never looked at. Lots of photos of mine from college that existed digitally have vanished to who knows where since I've bought new computers and moved files around, etc. Of course, physical prints get lost, too. You put them away in boxes, then you move to a new house, and another new house, and god only knows where they are now. But, keeping physical prints is important to me, not because files get lost and forgotten in digital space, but because there's something meaningful about holding and looking at a physical photograph. It's just not the same when you look at it on a screen. Flipping through old photos is a physical and social act that can't be replicated by crowding around a computer, just like playing Words with Friends on your phone is not the same as playing Scrabble around the coffee table. When Lucy grows up, she'll probably be one of very few people her age with an actual photo album. It even has magnetic pages, just like mine from the 1980s. We can slide in a 4x6 or a 4x5 or an mini polaroid or an iPhone print-out all in the same book. I think she'll enjoy looking at it one day. I will, anyway.

The Year of Waste Reduction

This year, I'm trying to be more conscious of all the crap that I throw away. There's not really an "away" for things to be thrown, actually, so I need to do my part to reuse or recycle as much as possible. Doug and I have been good about recycling for a long time. Recycling to me is no big deal. And, when you see your big recycle bins fill up over a month or so, you just can't ignore the importance of making sure all that junk doesn't go to a landfill. We also recently started a compost bin for all of our kitchen scraps and such. Coffee grounds, banana peels, the yucky butt part of the onion, even paper towels (unless they're covered in cleaner) get thrown into the compost bin to be turned magically into good food for our garden. Even if you don't have a garden, composting is still an important part of the reduce, reuse, recycle and save-the-earth thing. We also have one more new addition to our waste reduction and that is....CLOTH DIAPERS! So, I'm mostly going to talk about cloth diapers here.

What in the world made you decide to do that, you ask? Well, my older sister (from whom I get the wonderful life advantage of watching and learning before doing) decided to do cloth diapers waaaay back five years ago when her first baby came along. Nobody but hippy fruitcakes in California even thought about using cloth diapers then, but my sister was always more environmentally conscious than the rest of us and she decided to give it a go. I got to help, and was able to see firsthand that it really wasn't so bad. Worth the savings in both money and yucky yucky landfill waste. Now cloth diapers are all the rage (meaning I don't get quite as many raised eyebrows as she did) and I get to use her very same cloth diapers for my newly-arrived munchkin. Talk about reusing and recycling, right? Plus, they were free and that's awesome.

So, what's it really like? I'll be honest and say it's pretty gross. I mean, cloth diapering is not for whimps. And I'm still a big whimp some days. But any amount of cloth diapers used instead of disposables makes a difference. So...one day at a time. I've found that creating a convenient, organized system is what has made it easier for me. There's just no comparing to the convenience of disposables, so you have to make a system that works for you, and this can take some trial and error. After a few tries I think I finally have my system down, and I'll describe it for you shortly. Cloth diapering is hard work. It's messy, smelly, and kind of a pain in the ass. BUT! It is so worth it for three reasons:

1. Money: You will save thousands of dollars over the course of your baby's diaper days by using cloth....even more dollars if you also use cloth wipes.

2. Earth: The amount of waste created by disposable diapers each year is astonishing. It's gross and irresponsible. Plus, new studies show that the chemicals and gels used in disposable diapers contribute greatly to the amount of cancer-causing yuckiness seeping out of landfills and into our soil. Not to mention all the energy, oil, and chemicals used to produce and distribute all those diapers across the country.

3. Baby: Cloth diapers are less likely to cause diaper rash, cause fewer blowouts (I didn't believe this at first, but it's true!), and often help toddlers potty train more easily (because they feel the wetness, I suppose).

Okay, so here's how I do it. First, a photo of my diaper-changing station:

The basket on the top shelf holds all my diaper covers, which are the cute, waterproof outer layer of the cloth diaper. The two brown canvas bins in the tower on the right hold all the diaper liners, which are the cloth part that catches all the poop. The trash can on the left is where all the dirty cloth diapers get tossed. The green bag liner is a wet/dry bag made to repel odors and funk and it can be machine washed with the diapers. I use the cloth insert/waterproof cover combination and the fancy gDiapers. I'll show them both here, but there are all kinds of other cloth diapers out there, including all-in-ones that are pretty close to disposables in terms of convenience. They are, of course, more expensive.

Okay, so I have my old-fashioned 100% cotton cloth diaper and my waterproof cover.

I fold the cloth part in half and insert it into the liner like this (my folding technique will probably change a couple times as Lucy grows):

Then, I fasten it on her! It looks like this:

And, on her, it looks like this (not the same diaper, but similar):

When she needs to be changed, I get a clean diaper ready to go before taking the dirty one off (learned this the hard way). If it's wet, the diaper goes into the pail and the cover goes back into the basket to be reused later. If it's dirty, I clean her up and put the fresh diaper on (setting the dirty one aside), then put her in her crib and turn her mobile on while I go to the diaper sprayer. Usually, with a dirty diaper, I rinse both the diaper and the cover and toss both into the pail. Sometimes, if it's just a tiny poop, I will reuse the cover. The diaper sprayer hooks into the water supply with your toilet, and works like a super high-powered kitchen sink sprayer.

So, I spray the poop off, wring out the diaper (the worst part of the whole process), and then toss it into the pail.

That's it! All done. Except the very last step: WASH HANDS! Please note that cloth diapering involves serious hand-washing. Have fancy hand salve handy (no pun intended!) for dryness that will occur from excessive washing.

gDiapers work similarly, but they have biodegradable, flushable inserts! You can also use cloth inserts with gDiapers, AND you can throw away the flushable ones, which is nice if you're out and about. They don't have as much yucky stuff as regular disposables. Also, gDiapers are cuter and less bulky than the regular cloth diapers...and, of course, more expensive.

First, make sure to have your clean diaper ready to go before taking off the dirty one! You have the cute cloth outer layer with the snap in liner (if one liner gets dirty, you can snap in a clean one and use the same outer cover), and the disposable/flushable insert that looks like a giant maxi pad.

Place (more like shove) the insert into the white snap-in liner, and hoorah! Cute diaper!

The gDiaper is super cute on!

The frustrating thing for me about gDiapers is that you have to take the insert to the toilet every time, not just for poopy ones. But there's no spraying or laundering and everything goes bye-bye down the toilet. First, you tear off the side of the insert (I usually tear both sides) so that the fluffy inside part comes out into the toilet. Then, you use your special swish stick (it hangs on the side of the toilet) to break up all the fluffy part so it will flush down easily. As you flush, drop the outer layer (still in your hand from when you tore the sides) into the toilet and watch it disappear! No more poop. No washing. Gone down the hole, where poop belongs.

And that's my diapering story. I got off to a rocky start and thought I wasn't cut out for it at first, since newborns poop 5-6 times a day and their poop is pretty runny. Ew. But, now that Lucy is bigger and poops less often, it has gotten much easier. I think it will get even easier as she grows and starts having even fewer, more solid poops, which can just be shaken off into the toilet. And, I really do feel a twinge of guilt each time I use a disposable. I've been using them whenever I go out, but I recently bought a small, zippered wet/dry bag for use on the road. Not giving in to the convenience of disposables while I'm out is the next step for me. And, I'm sure that any time I actually travel (overnight, for instance) I will use disposables. I do have to do a lot of laundry, which uses energy and water, but the green bag that lines my pail keeps me from having to do it every single day, and when it gets warmer out, I'm going to try and line dry the diapers once they've been washed. The dryer uses a lot of energy. But, even with the extra water and energy use, cloth diapers are still incontrovertibly the most responsible choice. They're yucky, but important. Next, I'll talk about recycling and composting (in a much shorter post)!

Oh Yeah, mah blog.

I haven't posted anything in over six months. Unacceptable in the world of blogging, I'm pretty sure. But, I had a baby and then before I knew it Christmas was here and now it's a new year. Golly. No time for blogging til now. Lucy arrived on October 12th, three weeks early, and I couldn't have asked for an easier delivery. Of course, I experienced the worst pain of my life, but it didn't last too terribly long and I only had to push for 10-15 minutes and then she was here! Even though I ended up needing an epidural, I'm super grateful that I didn't have to have a c-section. Surgery sucks.

Baby story out of the way, there have been lots of new ideas and plans stirring around in my brain the last six months, so I figure I'll lay them all out for myself in the form of New Year's Resolutions. I don't really do those usually, but whatever. Here goes:

1. Take more pictures.
I've rediscovered my love for photo-taking in the past year or so, since I've been shooting more without my lovely hovering husband. Sorry, Doug. I love you, but I become paralyzed behind the camera when you're around, mostly because of my own natural tendency to second guess myself. Now that my confidence is coming back, I need to get out with the camera more.

2. Create a cohesive body of work outside weddings and such.
Ideas for this have been wiggling around in my brain for about a year and a half. I'm getting really close to nailing down specifics for my project. It might seem ridiculous to spend so much time planning and thinking, but it's how I work. I like to know exactly what I'm aiming for, or I'll lose my steam. Of course, I need to be shooting all the time, but I like to have a clear and specific project going, also.

3. Eat better.
Finding fresh, seasonal, local food here is kind of a chore. It can be done, though, and I need to be better about it. In a few months, Lucy will start eating real food (!!) and I want to make sure it's the safest, yummiest, freshest food I can find for her. Also, I need to eat more veggies. So does everyone, I imagine. Maybe one day we'll live in a city where access to such food is easier.

4. Start a mom blog with my sister.
Blogs can make monies, and we want to capitalize on this. My big sis has two little people of her own, and we're thinking of starting a mommy blog for the middle-of-the-road granola types. Mindful living and parenting ideas from moms who don't raise chickens or ban Chik-fil-a. Moderation, people. Also, Sarah's planning on unschooling, and (unofficially), so am I. So the blog will talk about life without school and all that jazz, too. If you decide to look up what unschooling is, don't be alarmed by all the crazies. Call me and we'll talk about it.

5. Travel some place new.
This year, we'll have friends in California and Boston and would like to take full of advantage of their presence there. I'm not ashamed to say, "hey, let's visit, because we've never been there and we can have a place to stay and friends to show us around." This is the way to see new places, my friend. Am I right?

6. Plan less. Risk more.
I'm a planner, and I have a tendency to get stuck in future mode. I need to learn to be more conscious of my thinking habits and enjoy my youth more. Doug and I are so young, and we need to be enjoying ourselves more. Easier said than done, but important to note. And moderate risk taking is good for mental health.

7. Figure out how in the hell to live by my sister.
I want to live by my sister and her family. Like, next door neighbors close. I want to be part of her kids' lives, and I want our children to grow up together. Annie will be five in March, and sometimes I panic that we'll wake up and our kids will have grown up already, without each other. I don't want that to happen. This will require some two-footed jumping in at some point, I'm sure.


8. Other stuff.
There are lots of other things on the agenda for this year. Exercise more, meet other stay-at-home moms, build a new and improved website for Studio A, make my own baby food, remodel my kitchen, build something wooden. And we have some big life events this year, too. My best and oldest friend in the world is getting married. Doug's sister is getting married. Lucy will have her first birthday. Time moves faster and faster. All the more reason to chill out and not worry so much about the future. And to make sure you're not doing things that make you miserable just for the sake of having stuff and being prepared for imaginary What If?s. Be conscious of your thinking habits.

There it is. A little summary of the past six months' brain activity. Here's to self-motivation! Cheers, everybody.

Skin Care Things

I think I did a post a while back about cleaning my face with castor and olive oils. It's supposed to clear up your skin and make it look healthy and moisturized. I tried it for a little while (two different times) and gave up. It did reducetheredness in my face and make my skin glowy, but it didn't clear my skin and it's kind of a pain to do (washcloths and oil droplets everywhere). I never had skin problems until I went off the pill (which I'd been taking since 8th grade, gloriously skipping over teenage acne years). And now that I'm pregnant, there are only certain things I can use on my face. Pretty much all the stuff that actually works isn't safe to use. And....I've been pretty determined to find a natural way of making it better. For one thing, I quit using BareMinerals makeup after a friend told me she knew of several people who'd said it made their skin freak out (something I may not have noticed while still on the pill). I also started using pure tea tree oil, a natural antimicrobial, on my blemishes. The tea tree oil worked great, but it smells weird and some people say it's not safe during pregnancy, so I quit using it. I will be using it again for sure, once baby is here. Those two things cleared up my skin quite a bit, but without the tea tree oil, I still have trouble keeping the zits away. Another friend told me recently that the SPF ingredient in makeups and moisturizers can cause breakouts. So, I've changed both my makeup and moisturizer to see what happens. Meanwhile, I've been on the lookout for just the right face wash....something gentle and effective that's safe during pregnancy. Harder to find that you might think. Here's what I've been using that I've been really happy with so far:

Pure Olive Oil soap! I found it at Publix and was very excited. It's made in Greece and smells wonderful. All the effects of the oil cleansing without the yucky mess!

Fancy moisturizer. Smells fantastic (if you like Lavender) and feels SO soothing on my skin. No SPF or other weird stuff, and I put it all over my face, neck and chest, it feels so good. It's kind of expensive, though ($12.95 at Publix).

Makeup stuff. This stuff is called Halo Yellow Color Correcting Powder (made by Smashbox) and is $40 at Sephora. It's lightweight and magically reduces all the redness in my face. I just wear it over the fancy moisturizer, unless I'm going somewhere nice and need more makeup. It really is magical. And it's so lightweight, I can look presentable without having to wear icky liquid makeup (which I really hate). Just moisturizer, concealer under my zombie eyes, mascara, and magic yellow powder. Ready to go. This is my new favorite thing.

So, that's it...the new skin care regimen. Simple, natural (mostly), and effective. Fingers crossed that it keeps working.

In other news, we're having a baby girl! I'm super excited and have already started decorating her room. Before and after baby room photos will be posted in the coming weeks. Hooray! Here she is. Her name is Lucy. She says hi. =)

Spring Garden-Round 2

So, I haven't given up on trying to grow my own veggies. I'm trying it again this year. Everything's organic, like last time. I'm determined to get at least some veggie production this time around. Last year, I made lots of mistakes like:

planting too soon

overwatering

not planting in full sun

falling and being stuck on crutches most of the season

So, this time, I started my seeds indoors, under controlled (mostly) conditions. I bought a seed heating mat and a thermometer to control the temperature of the soil. I used special sterile potting soil, sure to be free of any bugs or disease. I put them in front of a south-facing window, which is supposed to be the best. I keep the soil moist but not wet. I rotate the seedlings often so that they don't stretch toward the light and get wimpy stems. If I don't get veggies after all this, I will be thoroughly frustrated. Here's my garage set-up:

So far, so good. I have about a 95% germination rate! Hooray! The onions are the only thing that didn't germinate, which didn't surprise me, b/c I was really pushing the limit on their season anyway. The other seedlings are tomatoes (three varieties), red and orange bell peppers, and eggplant.

Within a week or so I'll direct seed some other foods outside. Plants with larger seeds do better if you just plant them outdoors, so I'll put beans, cucumber, squash and maybe some others out soon. I'm also going to do some herbs on our deck. Our deck gets full sun all day long, so I'm also going to plant a few of my tomato seedlings out there....just in case. Soon, my seedlings from the garage will be ready to get acclimated to the wild outdoors and I'll have to slowly introduce them to being outside. Seems strange having to do that for a plant that's meant to be outside, but they haven't experienced wind, rain or temperature fluctuation at all, so they're kind of fragile. If I just plop them out there, they won't make it. So....that's the garden update for this year! Cross your fingers that we get some food! If you live close, maybe you can come share in our harvest. I'm excited.

Also, if you've read this whole post, you either are interested in growing your own food, or you're a friend. So, I've saved our other update for last. We're having a baby!!! Due this fall. It's kind of fun that the life of my seedlings coincides with the life of our new little addition. Is that nerdy? Anywho, we're excited. Hooray for gardens and babies!

The One

This is quite possibly the best photo I have ever taken:

It references this photo of French writer and philosopher Albert Camus:

I've been reminded recently of photographer Henri Cartier Bresson's famous quote, "Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." I've definitely taken that many photos since I got my first film camera in 2004, and I think I'm just now starting to get good at it. I'm just now finding that happy place between what I love and what I'm good at. I've known that I love photography and that I'm okay at it for a long time now. But only in the past year or so have I really started to explore the particular type of photography that I love and can do well (thanks in large part to having Josh and Lou in our house for the better part of that year). Hopefully, I'll keep getting better at it.